Game of Thrones: Season 7 Rewatch

Holy heck, the day is finally here! It is the premiere date of the final season of Game of Thrones. It feels like it’s been forever and it also feels like it is too soon. I’m not ready for this show to be over. But the end is near. Before then, I’ve got one more rewatch for you. Previous rewatch posts: Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, Season 5, and Season 6.

As per usual, spoilers.

So, you’ll have to pardon me, this recap is gonna be a little all over the place. A lot of paths cross and uncross and it’s a whole lot of chaos (Chaos is a ladder).

We start this shindig at Winterfell, where Jon and Sansa are trying to whip the North into shape for the arrival of the army of the dead. Cersei and Daenerys have both sent ravens to Jon, demanding that he bend the knee (it’s a thing this season). Jon then gets a raven from Sam, who has been studying at the Citadel, that Dragonstone sits on a crap ton of dragon glass. Since they need that dragon glass for weapons, Jon decides to head to Dragonstone, but not before asking the wildlings, led by Tormund, to go man the Eastwatch castle at the wall, and giving Sansa control of the North in his absence.

After Jon leaves Winterfell, Bran and Arya show up (separately) and my Stark heart is full with these reunions. Though things are tense between the Stark kids because let’s face it, they’ve all seen some shit. Littlefinger uses this to his advantages and tries to pit Arya and Sansa against each other so he can keep his claws dug into Sansa. There is some subterfuge, which is such a waste of time, and it all culminates with Sansa calling Petyr out on his BS during a trial and Arya ever so coolly slitting his throat.

So, Dany has landed at Dragonstone and has a very beautiful homecoming. Then she gathers her war council: Tyrion, Varys, Olenna Tyrell, Yara Greyjoy, and the Sand Snakes of Dorne. They begin to plot and Olenna is sent back to Highgarden, the Unsullied head to Casterly Rock, while the Greyjoys are tasked with taking the Sand Snakes to Sunspear (spoiler alert: the trip does not end well). Jon eventually arrives at Dragonstone and Dany immediately demands he bend the knee, he kindly declines and says they are not enemies, but the enemy lies beyond the wall. It is at this point that Dany receives word that Euron Greyjoy has fucked up her fleet, killed two sand snakes, and captured Yara, Ellaria Sand, and the other sand snake whose name is not important cause Cersei totally murders her.

Euron, who looks like some goth hipster douche bag now, attacked Dany’s fleet in an attempt to impress Cersei and win her hand. Cersei, has been giving zero fucks since she was crowned and having the time of her life fucking Jamie openly and killing those who have wronged her. Qyburn has been working on a giant dragon killing cross. Which comes in handy during the loot train battle…

So, the Unsullied headed to Casterly Rock to take on the Lannister army. Only problem, most of the Lannister army was over at Highgarden, taking control and killing all the Tyrells. We get one last session of snark from Olenna, who confesses to Jamie that she was the one who killed Joffery. Jamie and his army get all the gold they took from Highgarden to King’s Landing, but the last half of their loot train gets absolutely decimated by Dany, her dragons, and the Dothraki. Still, Dany has lost a large amount of her fleet, many allies, and a lot of her faith in Tyron as her Hand.

Jon convinces Dany that they need to make Cersei understand that their fight needs to pause so they can focus on the giant army of the dead that is still slowly marching towards the Wall. Jon plans to range beyond the wall with Jorah (who was cured of greyscale by Sam at the Citadel) and others to capture a wight and bring it back as proof. Davos smuggles Tyrion into King’s Landing so he can meet with Jamie and set up a meet. Davos mean while, does the Lord’s work, and goes to find Gendry. They all head back to Dragonstone, where Jon, Davos, Jorah, and Gendry immediately leave for Eastwatch. There they meet up with Tormund, who happens to have the Beric Dondarrion, Thoros of Myr, and the Hound in the dungeons. They all (minus Davos) team up for the coldest buddy road trip of them all.

They find a scouting group of the undead and capture themselves one and the knowledge that if you kill a white walker, all the wights they created die. Then they get surrounded by the dead (at this point they send Gendry off to run and get a raven out to Dany) and have the world’s worst slumber party on a rock in the middle of a frozen lake. Once the undead realize that the lake is frozen enough from them to walk over, they attack. Dany shows up on her dragons just as things look really fucking dire. Well, the dire-ness of the situation doesn’t go away, because the Night King is apparently a world class javelin thrower and manages to take down Viserion. The whole group, minus Jon, jump on Drogon to leave. But Jon gets pulled under the frozen water and the other’s are forced to leave him. But fear not, Jon pulls himself out of the water cause homeboy is hard to kill. Benjen shows up, gives Jon his horse, and he makes it back to the wall just as everyone was about to set sail. Once Jon wakes from his hypothermia sleep, he apologizes to Dany and calls her his queen.

Then we get the great meet up at Dragon Pit. It is one heck of a scene. Jon and Dany present the wight and it seems to convince Cersei. She agrees, in a most un-Cersei like fashion, to cease actions against Dany and Jon as long as they are fighting the undead and will even commit troops to the cause. This should all seem highly suspect because it fucking is. Once Dany and Jon leave, Cersei reveals to Jamie that she has sent Euron to go get the Golden Company, so once Dany and Jon’s forces are exhausted from the battle with the undead, she can decimate them. Jamie is rightfully pissed, because he isn’t a garbage human any more (for the most part). He leaves Cersei just as snow starts to fall in King’s Landing.

Jon and Dany make the super smart decision of banging on their journey home. Which is super gross because as they are doing the dirty, Sam (who has left the citadel) is at Winterfell revealing Jon’s true heritage with Bran. Jon is a Targaryen and Dany’s nephew at that.

While all that shit has been going down in King’s Landing. the Night King has somehow managed to find many big fucking chains north of the wall and uses them to pull the body of Viserion out from the lake. And because we can’t have nice things in this show, he turns Viserion into a white walker dragon. He then heads straight for the wall and knocks it down thanks to his handy dandy dragon. Basically, Westeros is fucked.

General Notes
  • The season starting with Arya continuing her Frey murder spree makes me very, very happy.
  • Sansa questioning Jon in front of the lords of the North just pisses me off. Like, I get it, but also, maybe have these convos betwixt each other before big meetings.
  • I mean, I hate Euron, but he has some cool fucking ships.
  • I love the shade Sansa throws at Littlefinger.
  • As much as I hated Ed Sheeran’s cameo, I do like the scene of Arya meeting a band of nice Lannister soldiers.
  • The Hound and the Brother going to the house where the Hound once stayed was a good touch too. I love that he buries the bodies of the father and daughter he stole from. Hound redemption arc is good.
  • I love that Sam is the one who cures Jorah of his greyscale. Although, that scene is gross AF and I covered my eyes the whole time.
  • Arya’s odd little reunion with Hot Pit is sad, cause she is so weird to him, but the look on her face when she realizes Jon is at Winterfell.
  • Jon throwing Littlefinger into a wall and telling him to never touch Sansa is hot.
  • So many good reunions this season. This time, Jon and Tyrion. I love that they end up on the same side.
  • Jon and Davos seeing the dragons for the first time is hilarious.
  • Sorry, but Dany is such a spoiled brat, even now.
  • Arya sparring with Brienne is gold.
  • This season brings us Dickon. Honestly, I love it. Bronn laughing in his face at the name is priceless.
  • The Loot Train Battle is so fucking epic. In a different way than the Battle of the Bastards, but still amazing.
  • I swear, I thought it was the end of Jamie when he charges at Dany and Drogon.
  • Jon touching the dragon…love it!
  • The whole Sansa vs Arya plot is worthless and angers me so damn much. Like, every scene they are together they are fighting and this is not what I want.
  • I love that Gendry ignores Davos and tells Jon who he is. I want those two to be best buds forever.
  • I hate that Sam is typical white man and ignores Gilly, even when she is dropping big knowledge.
  • Poor Thoros gets fucked up by the wight bear.
  • I nearly lost my shit when it looked like Tormund was going to get taken down by the wights.
  • Seriously, where did the Night King get that damn chain?
  • Oh, isn’t the Dragon Pit scene awkward?
  • Also, someone kill Euron. Please?
  • That wight running at Cersei is awesome and why didn’t they let it kill her.
  • Jon forgiving Theon…I mean, I get it…but also, I’ll never forgive Theon.
  • Dude, the wall coming down doesn’t get any easier this time around.

Favorite Moments:

  • All the reunions. In particular, the Stark ones.
  • The look on Petyr’s face when Sansa calls him out at the trial.
  • Tormund learning the word “dick” from the Hound and then them discussing Brienne
  • Davos finding Gendry at the forges in King’s Landing. “I thought you might still be rowing.”
  • Misandre listing Dany’s titles vs Davos listing Jon’s titles

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • Viserion getting turned.
  • Basically any time Euron was on the screen.

Favorite Line:

Character I’d Bring Back: Olenna Tyrell. The world needs her sass.

Character I’d murder: EURON GREYJOY

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: Well, it’s not inappropriate but Gendry back and y’all, he has filled out quite nicely with all that rowing and hammer swinging.

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of right now: Davos. That guy is wise AF.

Game of Thrones: Season 6 Rewatch

No preamble today, we are just jumping straight into things! But first, here are my previous season rewatch posts: Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, and Season 5.

As per usual, since this is a recap, there are spoilers. Consider yourself thusly warned.

Every post I’ve found a spoiler gif that related to the particular season. But not season 6, damnit.

Okay, lots to unpack and I still have one more season to watch in the next 24 hours…So, let’s start with the Lannisters and King’s Landing. Cersei has been confined to the keep and has lost her grip on Tommen. Margaery confesses her sins to the High Sparrow and is spared the walk of atonement by bringing Tommen into the faith. Tommen strips Jamie of his rank as Commander of the King’s Guard and sends him off to help retake Riverrun with the Freys (assholes). Jamie manages to take back Riverrun (RIP Blackfish, the grumpiest man in Westeros) and heads back to King’s Landing, though he is late to all the chaos that I’m about to explain. Tommen declares that trial by combat is no longer a thing and Cersei knows she is super screwed for her trail with the faith for her many, many sins. So on the morning of her trail, some really good music plays, she puts on a great outfit, pours herself a glass of wine, and watches as the Sept of Baelor (where the faith militant, lots of King’s Landing nobles, Kevan Lannister, Loras Tyrell, Mace Tyrell, the High Sparrow, and most painfully Margaery Tyrell, all are) explodes thanks to some well placed Dragon Fire. Talk about killings numerous birds with one stone. Tommen, having lost a lot in the explosion and probably knowing it was his mother who did it, takes of his crown and walks out a window in one of the hauntingly silent and shocking scenes I’ve seen. Cersei, is crowned Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Gross.

Bran is back! Yay? Bran has been in a cave learning “everything” with the three eyed raven. During an unsanctioned vision quest, Bran is seen by the Night King and he grabs Bran by the arm, thus making the safety in the cave go away….because magic? Anyways, the white walkers show up, Meera kills one, Summer (Bran’s direwolf) dies while the others run, we learn the heartbreaking truth of Hodor, and Meera and Bran are the only ones who make it out alive. While on the run from the undead, MOTHER FUCKING UNCLE BENJEN SHOWS UP TO SAVE THE DAY! I love that guy. Anyways, Benjen safely gets them closer to the wall and then peaces out because magic. Then Bran decides to take another look into the past and he finds out what we knew all along: Jon Snow is not a bastard. He is the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen, who were definitely in love and Robert’s rebellion was built on a throne of lies.

Speaking of Jon…homeboy is still dead. Davos finds his body and hides it in a room with Edd and a few other Night’s Watch men. Some snark is thrown between Davos and Alliser, who wants Jon’s body (that sounded wrong), but then Edd, who had snuck out, shows up with the Wildlings and shuts that shit right down. Melisandre, who is actually a very old lady, does her magic bit and Jon is brought back to life. The mutineers that killed Jon are hung and Jon decides he is 100% done with this shit and gives command of the Wall to Edd. Sansa, Brienne, and Pod show up at the wall (Sansa surived her escape with Theon, Brienne found them, Theon went home while Sansa continued to the Wall) and we are graced with two amazing things: Stark reunion and the birth of Tormund’s crush on Brienne.

Back at Winterfell, Ramsey has killed his father, step mother, and his little baby half brother because Ramsey is a fucking monster. Then, the fucking Umbers bring Ramsey a gift: Rickon. Ramsey uses this to taunt Jon out of Castle Black for a good old fashioned battle of epic proportions. Jon manages to get depressingly few Northern houses to back him, but most importantly we are introduced to Lyanna Mormont who is hands down the best ever. Then comes the Battle of the Bastards. Ramsey, being the asshat that he is, releases Rickon to go run towards Jon, and Ramsey shoots Rickon in the heart just a half second before Jon gets to him. Thus begins a battle so intense that I had to take a Xanax the first time I watched it. Just as all hope seems lost, and our heroes are about to be totally up shit creek, the Knights of the Vale show up and fuck up Ramsey’s army. Sansa had been holding that card up her sleeve, so really, she saved the day, though she should have fucking told Jon, but I digress. Jon chases Ramsey back to Winterfell where he proceeds to beat the ever living shit out of him. But Ramsey does not die by his hand. No, Sansa has a bloodied Ramsey tied to a chair and put in the kennels, where Ramsey’s human flesh loving dogs are (Ramsey had mentioned that he had starved them for a week before the battle). The sound of Ramsey’s screams and the little smile Sansa has as she walks away is highly therapeutic. Jon and Sansa discuss that they have to trust each other because there are so many enemies now. Which is great, but Littlefinger is at Winterfell with them now and you can see how he wants to try and break everything apart as all the Northern lords call for Jon as the King in the North. Y’all, that chant didn’t end well last time.

Arya, has been having a slightly less epic time than her remaining siblings. First she is blind and a beggar, then she gets her sight back and has a cool training montage, the she is given another name for the Many Faced God and the warning that there will be no third chance. What does our stabby hero do? Decides she likes the mark and doesn’t kill her *face palm* Jaqen send the Wraith after Arya and some very unlikely scenarios happen, but in the end our stabby hero cuts the face off the Wraith and deposits it in the hall of faces. Jaqen then announces that she is finally No One. And Arya, stabby queen of my heart, says “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell. And I am going home.” FUCK YES! Arya’s first stop once she gets back to Westeros: the Frey household, where she back the eldest Frey boys into a meat pie, serves the meat pie to Walder Frey, and then slits his filthy traitor throat. Another therapeutic murder.

Time to check in with Dany and crew. Daenerys has been captured by the Dothraki and taken to Vaes Dothrak where she will live the rest of her life as the widow of a Khal. Yeah, that’s not happening. Through some epic fire shenanigans, Dany burns the Khals alive and takes control of all the Dothraki people. After a rousing speech from Dany, as she is sitting on a dragon, the Dothraki pledge to cross the narrow sea with her and claim the Seven Kingdoms. But first, Meereen. Yep, Tyrion has been doing his Tyrion thing, and sweet talking the Masters of the Slave Cities into cutting off funding for the Sons of the Harpy. But in a highly not shocking move, the Masters betray Tyrion and bring a battle to Meereen. Isn’t is so perfect that Dany shows up with her Dothraki and her dragons just in time to lay waste to the Master’s armies? Yep. After this battle, Theon and Yara show up (their asshole uncle took the Salt Throne and ran them out of Pyke) with the promise of ships as long as they get the Iron Islands back when Dany has conquered the Seven Kingdoms. And so we have the epic (how many times have I said epic in this post? Fuck, I need a thesaurus) ending scene of Dany FINALLY SAILING TO FUCKING WESTEROS OMG IT’S ONLY TAKEN 6 SEASONS.


General Notes
  • Davos is the wisest person in all of Westeros.
  • Of all the buddy road trips in this series, Sansa and Theon have the least fun one.
  • Oh yeah, Elia Martell and the Sand Snakes murder the fuck out of the Prince of Dorne. *yawns*
  • Seeing young Ned and Benjen and Hodor before he was Hodor gives me all the feels.
  • This is the season where we get the peak Tyrion quote “I drink and I know things.”
  • I love the scene of Tyrion going to see Rhaegal and Viserion. “Don’t eat the help.”
  • Ugh, Euron is the worst.
  • Even knowing what was going to happen, I still startled so hard when Jon wakes up from the dead.
  • Tormund making dick jokes, cause that’s what you do when your friend comes back from the dead
  • I should note that we lost two dire wolves this season, the aforementioned Summer, and Shaggy Dog, who was Rickon’s. #JUSTICEFORTHEDIREWOLVES
  • “We should never have left Winterfell.” CORRECT!
  • Oh, Dany finds out about Jorah’s greyscale and sends him off to go get cured. But she says he can come back once he does that.
  • So, Sansa had met with Littlefinger earlier in the season, which is how she knew of that the Knights of the Vale would come to their aid if she asked. Littlefinger, as usual, is a piece of shit the whole time he talks to her.
  • Through one of Bran’s vision quests with the Three Eyed Raven, we learn that the Children are the ones who created the White Walkers. Not sure how important that is, but there you go.
  • Just before Jon leaves Castle Black, he tells Edd, in what is definitely not foreshadowing, to not knock down the Wall…
  • Sam and Gilly stop at Sam’s family home on the way to Old Town (where Sam will train to become a Maester) because Sam intends to leave Gilly and Baby Sam there. But Sam’s dad is garbage human and Sam decides to bring Gilly, Baby Sam, and his father’s Valyrian Sword with him to Old Town.
  • Also, guess who isn’t dead? THE HOUND! He was saved by a Septon (played wonderfully by Ian McShane. Of course, Ian McShane and his band of religious folk a brutally murdered because we can’t have nice things in Westeros. The Hound hunts the men down and is lead to Beric Dondarrion and Thoros of Myr, who he joins in the Brotherhood without Banners.
  • “I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met.” Olenna, spitting shade at Cersei
  • There is a whole side plot of Brienne going to the Blackfish to ask for support for Sansa and Jon. The only good thing that comes of it is a brief Jamie/Brienne reunion.
  • Arya sure is spry for a girl with a massive gut wound…
  • Tormund is such a dummy sometimes but I love him.
  • “Jon Snow is not a king.” I wonder if this is foreshadowing that he wont be king at the end of this all…
  • Davos finds the figurine that he gave to Shireen. He knows Melisandre burned her. He calls her out and Jon banishes her, but lets her know that if she comes North again she is dead. Which is more than fair.
  • Seeing the Stark banners fly a Winterfell again GIVES ME LIFE.
  • The whole Sept of Baelor opening scene, minus Loras’ lame trail, is one of the best sequences I have ever seen on television. The score is what makes it.
  • Oh yeah, Qyburn has Pycelle killed via the stabbings of some very unwashed children
  • Sam is such a Citadel nerd.
  • Um, somehow Varys goes to Dorne, gets the backing of Olenna and Elia, and then books it back to Meereen to be on Dany’s boats as she finally sails to Westeros. Magic?
  • Dany makes Tyrion her Hand of the Queen and I almost cry much like Tyrion almost does.
  • Sansa recieves a white raven from the Citadel. Winter has come. “Well, father always promised, didn’t he?”

Favorite Moments:

  • Ramsey getting eat by his dogs. Nothing will ever beat that.
  • Every time Tormund looks at Brienne

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • Rickon running in a straight line when he knows there is someone behind him shooting arrows.
  • Margaery realizing that everyone needs to get out of the Sept but the holy man ignoring her…

Favorite Line:

  • Basically anything Lyanna Mormont says.

Character I’d Bring Back: ALL THE DIREWOVLES. And Hodor.

Character I’d Murder: Euron. He is just slimy and two dimensional.

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: I don’t think I have one this season. HAVE I CHANGED MY WAYS? lol, not likely.

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of right now: LYANNA MORMONT!

Game of Thrones: Season 5 Rewatch

The intro to this recap will consist of nothing but me screaming about the fact that season 8 premieres in four days. *clears throat, screams for 7 minutes straight* Now that I have that out of the way I’d like to direct you to previous season recaps: Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, and Season 4.

As per usual, since this is a recap it contains SPOILERS! Shocking, I know.

Season 5: The season where I finally got release the knowledge of Jon Snow’s death to my coworkers who have never read the books

Okay, let us begin with the Lannisters because that has been my pattern recently. Cersei is slowly driving herself mad with jealousy and rage (who has money on her being the Mad Queen of this era in Westeros?). Though Tommen is king, she is the one making all the decisions. One such decision is bring back the Faith Militant in an effort to destroy Margaery. Yeah, that doesn’t work out so well for Cersei. Well, actually it works splendidly until the Faith Militant imprisons her as well for her sins (of which there are many). This all ends with the Shame Walk (they cut off all her hair and make her walk naked through the streets of King’s Landing) and y’all, the Faith Militant really should not have messed with Cersei. That lady knows how to get her revenge. Jamie is off on a buddy road trip to Dorne with Bronn to retrieve Marcella and bring her home. Through some amusing shenanigans Jamie is able to make peace with the Prince of Dorne and take Marcella and her betrothed, Trystane Martell. Too bad Elia Martell is still super pissed at the Lannisters for their part in Oberyn’s death (TBH, I’d be pissed too), and she sneakily poisons Marcella so she can tragically die in her father’s arms just as they have a heartfelt moment (it’s also kind of a gross moment cause it’s an acceptance of Jamie and Cersei’s incest, but what happens in Wersteros, stays in Westeros I guess).

Tyrion is having a road trip too, though much less fun than his brother’s. Varys has taken him across the Narrow Sea, in a box, where they stop at the home of Illyrio Mopatis (remember him? Talk about a lasting background character). Varys convinces Tyrion to travel with him to find Daenerys and join her pursuit of the Iron Throne. This goes well (seriously, Varys and Tyrion have the BEST BANTER) until they cross paths with the disgraced Jorah Mormont, who kidnaps Tyrion. Guess where he is taking him? To see Dany. Like…couldn’t he have just joined the snarky road trip? Anyways, along their travels they get attacked by stone men in Valyeria and Jorah gets grey scale. See, Jorah, you could have avoided this if you’d just taken Varys’ route. Then he and Tyrion get caught by slavers and sold to a fighting pit master. Which eventually gets them in front of Dany, who has begrudgingly opened the fighting pits back up.

Okay, I have to quickly backtrack so I can tie Dany into Tyrion’s story. Dany has been chilling in Meereen, trying to learn how to rule while a rebel force calling themselves the Sons of the Harpy are creating all sorts of chaos and murder.  In what is a truly unforgivable moment, my battle cinnamon roll, Barristan Selmy, IS STRUCK DOWN by the Sons of the Harpy. But he went down fighting to the end. This leads Dany to rounding up the leaders of the noble houses and introducing them to her chained up dragons. But in an effort to placate the people in a more peaceful way she agrees to marry a noble (Hiizdahr, who is going to die shortly so let’s not waste time typing out his story) and reopen the fighting pits to free men. Okay, so Jorah fights in front of Dany and then Tyrion presents himself as a gift gift from Jorah. Tyrion, being the smooth talker that he is, convinces Dany not to kill him, but Jorah is banished a second time. Dude, that has to hurt. Anyways, there is yet another fighting tournament, in a big ass arena this time, where Jorah once again fights to get Dany’s attention because homeboy just can’t leave it be. The Sons of the Harpy attack and start killing basically everyone (bye bye Hizdahr!). Everything looks very dire for Dany, Missandei, Jorah, Tyrion, and Daario, but Drogon drops out of the sky and fucks shit up, giving time for Dany to hop on his back and they fly away. Luckily Drogon scared all the Sons away or Missandei, Jorah, Tyrion, and Daario would have been fucked. Well, they are left to rule Meereen, so they are essentially fucked. Dany is whisked off to some field where she eventually gets sighted by a Dothraki horde and she is taken. Oh, and Daario and Jorah, who both love Dany but only one of which gets to sleep with her, decide to go on a buddy road trip to find Dany. Good times.

Arya arrives in Braavos and finds her way to the House of Black and White where Jaqen H’ghar tells her to shed her old life and become “no one”. Look, I love Arya and assassins in general, but a lot of this plot line annoyed the heck out of me. But, Arya does get to murder the ever living fuck out of Meryn Trant. Though it angers the many faced god or something and she goes blind. It’s all a lot more nuanced than I’ve written but ain’t nobody got time for that.

Okay, time to unpack The Night’s Watch/Stannis/Ramsey/Sansa chaos. Sansa is brought to Winterfell by Littlefinger and is married off to Ramsey in a political move that ends very poorly for Sansa. I don’t want to write much about it because it is some of the most emotionally painful material in this season. But eventually (aka the last episode of the season), Sansa escapes Winterfell with Theon (of all people).

Stannis is at the wall and wants to legitimize Jon, as long as Jon leaves the Watch. Jon says no and is voted as the Lord Commander by the narrowest of margins. Stannis then leaves the wall with his army and marches on Winterfell. Things do not go well and eventually he is convinced by Melisandre to BURN HIS FREAKING DAUGHTER AT THE STAKE. Yeah, all respect for Stannis and his love of grammar is now gone. But that’s okay because half his army deserts him, his wife kills herself, Melisandre deserts him, and then his remaining army is decimated by Ramsey’s forces. Oh, and Brienne finally gets to hold him accountable for murdering Renly by cutting his stubborn head off. Melisandre goes back to the wall (where Davos had previously been sent back to by Stannis) and conveys through a very sad face that Stannis and everyone is dead.

While Stannis is being the world’s worst father, Jon is making a whole mess of decisions that piss off his brothers, particularly the decision to let a hoard of Wildlings through the wall so they don’t get massacred by the white walkers and turned into an undead army. He goes to Hardhome with Tormund and Stannis’ navy to get the wildlings. And then ensues the most epic and creepy battle on Game of Thrones to this point. Like damn. Tormund and Jon escape with as many wildings as they can (and WUN WUN THE GIANT! I love Wun Wun!) and go back to the wall. And then…Ollie, being the shitty little kid that he is, tells Jon that one of the wildlings says they’ve seen Benjen Stark (Jon’s hot uncle who has been missing since Season 1). He races out of his office with Ollie and runs to a group of the Night’s Watch brothers. There he sees the cross that says “Traitor”. AND THEN HE GETS STABBED OVER AND OVER BY HIS BROTHERS. *flips table and walks away, muttering about dumb ass Night’s Watch bros not understanding the big picture*


General Notes
  • Bran isn’t in this season at all and I ain’t mad about that.
  • Arya shedding everything of her old life except Needle makes me happy.
  • Margaery has the best scheming face.
  • Even though they didn’t show the act, the post coital scene between Tommen and Margaery still grosses me out.
  • Also, Tommen is too pure for Westeros.
  • Tyrion going straight for the wine after getting let out of his box, drinking a lot, puking it all up, and then pouring himself another glass makes me think of my 20s.
  • Oh, right, Stannis decides to burn Mance at the stake for not bending the knee. The look on Mance’s face when Jon tells him he’ll burn is some of the finest acting. I miss Mance.
  • Barristan talking to Dany about her father makes me happy/sad.
  • I love Brienne training Podrick to be a knight!
  • For all the antagonism between Alliser and Jon, Jon is still fair to him. Which makes the betrayal ALL THE MORE ANNOYING.
  • Jamie seeing Tarth as he sails to Dorne gives me FEELS!
  • Maester Aemon dies and it is very, very sad.
  • Every scene between Davos and Shireen breaks my heart.
  • I love the moment when Tyrion sees Drogon fly by. He is so full of wonder about the dragons. I need him to ride one before the show ends.
  • Cersei making Olenna wait for her while she writes, the same way Tywin used to, is kinda beautiful.
  • Sam and Gilly hook up and it’s adorable.
  • Bronn has a really good singing voice and I need him to sing lots more.
  • I hate that the Dorne plot was so shitty in the show versus the book. Like, I don’t even want to talk about it.
  • Sam taking Gilly and Little Sam off to Old Town so he can learn to be a Maester is wonderful.
  • Say what you will of Stannis, but that motherfucker fights to the very end.
  • I love the running gag of Tyrion’s poor Valyrian.

Favorite Moment:

  • Arya killing Meryn Trant.
  • All the banter between Varys and Tyrion.

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • Every single moment with Ramsey.

Favorite Line:

Character I’d Bring Back: Mance Rayder

Character I’d Murder: RAMSEY FUCKING BOLTON

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: I don’t think this is inappropriate but Tyrion looks REALLY GOOD with a beard. Horrific depression and alcoholism looks good on him I guess and now it’s inappropriate.

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of right now: Tyrion and Varys as buddy kings!

Okay, y’all, I’ve already started Season 6 so HOPEFULLY I’ll get through everything before Sunday. OMG SUNDAY BRINGS US NEW EPISODES I CANNOT EVEN…

Game of Thrones: Season 4 Rewatch

SEASON 8 IS COMING. Like, soon. Like, holy heck I have 27 episodes to watch in 8 days. I’m fine. Everything is fine. But while I’m over here freaking out over the space time continuum, please enjoy this recap of Season 4. You can read my previous season recaps here: Season 1, Season 2, Season 3.

This should be obvious at this point, but just in case, I feel honor bound (it’s the Stark in me) to let you know there will be spoilers for Season 4 here and possible vague spoilers for later seasons. Consider yourself thusly warned. Oh, also, I let loose with some f-bombs in this. Though if you are a Game of Thrones fan I can’t imagine the word fuck really ruffles your feathers…

Let’s start off with the Lannisters because it gives me a chance to say this: JOFFREY IS DEAD, DEAD, DEAD!!!! Yes, the national nightmare that was Joffrey has been shuffled off this mortal coil, in a very public poisoning at his wedding to Margaery Tyrell. IT WAS GLORIOUS. As for the rest of the Lannisters…Cersei takes Jof’s death pretty hard and blames Tyrion. Tyrion goes on trial for the death and has a great monologue. That man really knows how to confess dramatically. He then demands a trail by combat and ends up having his champion, Oberyn Martell (greatest fighter and bi icon of Westeros), killed by The Mountain in a scene so gruesome I have to close my eyes and mute the TV. Jamie has some not good times with Cersei, but ultimately saves Tyrion from execution by sneaking him out of the jail cell so Varys can whisk him away. Before Tyrion leaves King’s Landing he murders the fuck out of Shae (who betrayed him) and Tywin. Another glorious Lannister death. Oh, and Tommen becomes important this season because now he is the king. Poor baby Tommen.

So, the Tyrells. Talk about the MVPS of the season. Margaery continues to be a thorn in Cersei’s side, which I will always love her for. She looks hot AF in her mourning dresses and takes Olenna’s advice and finds her way into Tommen’s heart in a way that is mostly not creepy. Olenna is the OG badass in this season as she is the one to thank for Jof’s spectacular demise. And we get to meet Mace Tyrell, who is ridiculous wonderful for comic relief.

Sansa gets her own paragraph in this one because hot damn this is where her character arc really starts to take off. So, she is whisked away from King’s Landing as Jof is dying by Littlefinger. They sail over to the Eyrie where Lysa Arryn marries, loudly bones, and then is killed by Littlefinger. And she drops the knowledge that it was her that killed her husband at the behest of Littlefinger. Sansa shows she is learning to play the game by lying to the high ups of the Vale about how Lysa really died. Then she debuts a stunning new style and hot damn this is the moment I really start to like Sansa.

Jon is back at the Wall and dealing with the always antagonistic Alliser Thorne. To make matter worse, Janos fucking Slynt is at the Wall now and just adds to the general toxic behavior up there. Speaking of toxic, Karl Tanner (one of the Night’s Watch who went beyond the wall with Mormont last year, but we are only just now given his name), starts one of my least favorite plot lines by starting a mutiny against Mormont while they are at Craster’s Keep. Craster and Mormont are killed and I’m only sad about one of those. This whole plot line gets even worse and takes too long to resolve and I’m not gonna talk about it anymore cause it’s fucking gross. But it ends with Jon being reunited with Ghost. So that’s nice.

Also, the Wildlings make their way to the wall and an epic battle ensues. I don’t have time to break it all down but Pip and Gren die which bums me out a lot. Jon looks really good fighting (what?) but then Ygritte gets shot by and arrow in front of him and one of the most beautiful, yet sad, scenes follows. Also, Ollie, a little boy, is the one who kills Ygritte which just cements my never ending dislike of children. Oh, and Stannis shows up with his army and Mance, being one of the few good people on this damn show, tells his people to stop fighting to save them.

Who am I missing? Right, Daenyerys. So, she takes her Unsullied and marches them to Meereen and takes over the city in what seemed like the quickest slave revolt ever. But she suddenly realizes that stomping around and saying “fire and blood” doesn’t make her a ruler. She decides to stay in Meereen and learn how to rule people. It goes super well. LOL, no it doesn’t. But she does sleep with Daario who is now played by an actor that is actually attractive. She also finds out about Jorah’s betrayal from season 1 and banishes him in a scene that is so damn well acted. And then Dany decides to lock up her dragons because they killed a child. Which is a totally legit reason for locking them up, but fuck the scene of trapping them was rough. Should also note that Drogon was not locked up because he wasn’t found.

I’m giving my favorite Stark her own recap paragraph too. Arya is continuing her stabby road trip with The Hound, as he has now decided to take her to the Eryie and sell her to her Aunt Lysa. I think this may be one of my favorite odd couple road trip pairings in this show. Arya really starts to slip into her murdery persona and I am HERE FOR IT. They make it to the Eyrie a few days after Lysa dies and Arya’s laugh at this knowledge is solid gold. Sadly, since no one knows Sansa is at the Eyrie (she was there under a different name which I guess I forgot to mention earlier…), Arya and the Hound leave. Then, one morning Brienne (who was sent on a Stark finding mission earlier in the season by Jamie) and Podrick find Arya as she is practicing her sword work. The Hound and Brienne engage in a startlingly brutal fight which ends with the Hound going over the side of a rocky mountain. Arya evades Brienne and goes to stare at the Hound while he begs her to kill him. It is a damn good scene. The season ends with Arya finding a ship captain and saying “Valar Morghulis”. My stabby girl is going to Braavos!

General Notes

  • Ramsey is just his generic psycho self this season. But can I say that I kinda hate that they cast such a good looking guy to play him? Like I loved that actor from Misfits and it is very confusing for me to be so turned on when he is covered in blood.
  • Yara tries to rescue Theon and she finally realizes that he is really lost to her. It’s sad, but also I don’t give a shit about Theon.
  • OMG I totally forgot to mention Bran. Well, basically Bran is going through puberty and is being a bit of a dick. He eventually gets to the place where the 3 eyed raven told him to go but Jojen dies just before they get there. Because this is Game of Thrones and we can’t have nice things.
  • “I fucking hate Thenns.” Same, Tormund, same.
  • The seeds of Missendre and Grey Worm hooking up starts this season. It is cute, but only makes me think that one will die
  • Arya killing Polliver in the same way he killed that one kid is wonderful.
  • Oh, this is the season we get the Bronn/Jamie bromance! I love Bronn helping Jamie learn to fight with his other hand. Bronn slapping Jamie with Jamie’s gold hand is peak Bronn.
  • The mourning dresses of Cersei and Margaery are STUNNING.
  • Pod sneaking stuff into Tyrion’s jail cell and then Tyrion telling him goodbye. I love those two.
  • I’m sorry but when we go to the Night King’s castle place I just think of the Ice King from Adventure Time and I fully want there to be penguins just walking around.
  • The scene with Davos and Stannis at the Iron bank is low key amazing.
  • Daario taking off his clothes is great, but that dude left his ascot on and I’m sorry but that is not okay.
LOSE THE ASCOT, DUDE
  • I love that we get a little check in on Hot Pie with Brienne and Podrik stopping at the inn he is working at. His bread wolves are improving.
  • Petyr telling Sansa that she might have been his child and then kissing her is grosssssssssssssssssss. But I still think Aiden Gillen is a total fox.
  • Also, Petyr pushing Lysa out the Moon Door is kind of amazing, sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • The scene where Ygritte shushes Gilly and her baby and then walks away and the camera focuses on all the blood dripping through the ceiling boards is morbidly awesome.
  • I love how not impressed Jon and Mance are with Davos and Stannis.
  • The fact that this season ends with Arya fills my Stark heart with joy.

Favorite Moment:

  • Joffrey’s death. It is the second most satisfying death of the series so far.
  • Arya, just in general.

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • Lysa talking about banging Littlefinger
  • Roose Bolton saying “The North is mine.”
  • Every single moment that involves Karl Tanner, with the exception of his death.

Favorite Line:

“I understand that if any more words come pouring out your cunt mouth, I’m gonna have to eat every fucking chicken in this room.” – The Hound



Character I’d Bring Back: Oberyn “Take off your clothes, we are going to be here for a while” Martell

Character I’d Murder: Roose Bolton. He doesn’t deserve the North.

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: Okay, you have to hear me out on this…Ramsey. BUT ONLY FOR LIKE 20 SECONDS. I’m sorry but…just look at this:

Yes, I acknowledge I have a problem, but also ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve been single for a long time and Iwan Rheon looks good without a shirt on…

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of right now: Olenna Tyrell. She is probably the only one that could whip Westeros into shape.

Now I have to go pray to the old gods and the new, that I may finish my rewatch before next Sunday.

Game of Thrones: Season 3 Rewatch

Winter is coming. Okay, by now you know the drill. I’m rewatching Game of Thrones from the start to prepare myself for the final season. Normally I try to get a little in depth with my rewatch posts, but it’s going to be a quick one today. I horrifically mismanaged my time today and am scrambling to get myself ready to go back to work tomorrow.

So, without further ado, the spoiler warning because this is a discussion of Season 3 and will very obviously have spoilers.

Okay, let’s start with the Lannisters: Jamie gets his hand cut off and thus begins his redemption arc. Cersei continues to be amazingly bitchy and threatens to strangle Margery. Tywin proves to be a bigger asshole than he has in the past, but he puts Joffrey in his place a few times and it is beautiful to behold. Tyrion marries Sansa and continues to be the only Lannister that I don’t want to murder.

Stannis ran back home and is sulking about his defeat. He throws Davos into the dungeons because he tries to kill Melisandre. Hi, I’m team Davos. Anyways, we also meet Stannis daughter Shireen and her character development definitely lead to future heart break. Melisandre half bones Gendry (more on how he get there later) and throws some leeches into a fire ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Mormont is murdered by the worst member of the Night’s Watch, but also Craster dies and that’s good. Sam kills a white walker with his obsidion blade and gets a baby named after him. Jon climbs the wall with the wildlings, gets laid, gets his face scratched up by a hawk, and then get shot 3 times with arrows by Ygritte.

As much as I don’t care for the white savior thing, Daenerys is pretty damn bad ass this season. She gets an army of unsullied, takes down the slave city of Astapor, and gets a cool dragon fire scene. Then she moves on to Yunki where she gets a hot dude to help her take the city and then she gets to crowd surf.

Theon has a no good, very bad season. He spends his whole time getting tortured by Ramsey Snow (Bolton). It’s awful and as much as I hate Theon, I feel bad for him. Ramsey is a grade A psychopath.

Now, the Starks. Buckle up, because this is gonna hurt. Sansa gets her hopes raised and broken too much this season. Bran and Rickon split up and Bran starts his journey to the three eyed raven. Arya gets picked up by the Brotherhood without Banners along with Gendry, who decides to stay with them. Gendry then gets sold off to Melisandre because the Brotherhood is garbage. Arya then runs off and gets to start her road trip with The Hound. They make their way to the Twins where Catelyn and Robb are for Edmure Tully’s wedding to a Frey girl to mend the rift caused by Robb marrying Talisa.

And this is where it all goes wrong. The Red Wedding. Even knowing it was coming, I was not prepared for how horrific this scene is. The Rains of Castamere starts to play and Catelyn knows something bad is about to happen. The moment on of the Freys stabs Talisa in the stomach I physically recoiled. There is nothing to prepare you for this scene, whether or not if you’ve seen it before. It is visceral and horrible, but so well executed.

General Notes

  • Tormund gets introduced this season but he is an asshole right now so I’m not caring too much.
  • Also, we get the introduction of Olenna Tyrell and hot damn she is the best character ever.
  • “The cheese will be served when I want it served and I want it served now.” OLENNA IS MY QUEEN.
  • “The subtleties of politics are lost on me.” Margery Tyrell learned from the best.
  • Edmure is the worst and the Blackfish is the best.
  • Hot Pie giving Arya a bread wolf and saying goodbye gave me way more feels than I anticipated.
  • Bronn calling Littlefinger “Lord twat beard” is one of my favorite Bronn moments.
  • Ah, yes, we find out that Pod apparently is very good in bed. The callbacks to this throughout the season are hilarious.
  • Varys is one scary dude when you think about it.
  • Gendry telling Arya he is staying with the brotherhood hurts me. God, I hope these kids meet back up and DON’T DIE.
  • Olenna and Tywin’s scene together is perfection.
  • Jamie telling the story of his murder of the Mad King is some of the best acting from that actor.
  • The following scene is another example of Olenna awesomeness:

Lady Olenna Tyrell: [to Loras] So, their son will be your nephew after you’re wed to Cersei, of course. And you will be the king’s stepfather and brother-in-law.
[Loras looks annoyed and upset. He does not respond]
Lady Olenna Tyrell: [to Margaery] When you marry the king, Joffrey’s mother will become his sister-in-law. And your son will be Loras’… nephew? Grandson? I’m not sure. But your brother will become your father-in-law, that much is beyond dispute.

  • Every word that comes out of Lord Frey’s mouth makes me want to vomit.
  • Robb making a joke about making a terrible mistake in marrying Talisa is NOT OKAY.
  • The way Robb’s direwolf was killed is so sad. Especially considering Arya witnessed it.
  • Tyrion has a list. I love it.
  • Davos saving Gendry is my favorite thing. And thus a hundred memes about rowing are born.

Favorite Moments:

  • Jamie going back for Brienne
  • Podrick bringing back Tyrion’s money from the brothel.

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • RED WEDDING

Character I’d Bring Back: Robb Stark and his direwolf

Character I’d Murder: Roose Bolton

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: Podrick. Though…it’s not inappropriate. Am I finally not being a trash person in my GoT crushes? HOW LONG WILL THIS LAST?

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of Right now: Olenna “I want my cheese now” Tyrell

FYI: I cannot wait for Season 4 because it brings me great joy in episode 2.

Game of Thrones: Season 2 Rewatch

Winter is coming. And by winter, I mean the final season of Game of Thrones. To prepare myself for this momentous final season, I am re-watching the show from the start because apparently, I like to torture myself. So, I decided to do summaries of my thoughts, feelings, and general (and sometimes wine-drunk) musings of each season. My season 1 wrap up is here.

FYI: this post very obvious has spoilers for Season 2, but I vaguely discuss future seasons, so here is your warning.

Season 2: The season in which there are a lot of garbage people, but none more garbage than Theon

Where to even begin with this season. I went in to it thinking that it was the one season where not a lot of characters I cared about died. I. WAS. WRONG. I’m going to try and see how well I can filter all the chaos of this season down…

Let’s start with the Lannisters. Cersei continues to be amazingly cruel and awful, but Lena Headey plays her so well and I get hypnotized by her evil smirk. Also, drunk Cersei during the Battle of Blackwater is priceless. Tywin almost fooled me again into thinking he wasn’t that bad when he is at Harrenhal. I love his interactions with Arya (who is hiding in plain sight as a cup bearer for Tywin) so damn much. There is another set of characters I could listen to trade words all day. And then there is Tyrion. Again, Tyrion is the only Lannister I still truly like and I feel so much for him in this season. He plays the game so well, but he does actually care for people and for Westeros. The way he looks at Sansa whenever he steps in to save her from Joffrey cuts straight to my heart. And all he does to protect King’s Landing when Stannis Baratheon shows up that no one appreciates him for. It kills me. I truly hope Tyrion survives the final season. Oh, and there is Jamie too. He basically spends the whole season being a charming asshole tied to a pole. Oh, and Joffrey is still terrible.

We finally meet Stannis and damn, I forgot how much I kinda like this stern, grammar loving guy. I have a soft spot for grumpy characters, so Stannis charmed me at first (not so much in the later seasons). But his whole thing with the Lord of Light prophecy is just meh to me. I really can’t ever see him being a good king, regardless of his legitimacy. BUT with Stannis we also get Davos Seaworth! I love the character of Davos so damn much. He knows no good can come from the Red Woman. Speaking of Melisandre, uggggggghhhhhhh, she bothers me, but she is proper creepy and knows how to manipulate with the best of them. Too bad the Battle of Blackwater totally blows all their plans to hell ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Time to check in with my family, the Starks. Robb is off winning battles, but being dumb by falling in love with Talisa. I yelled at Robb quite a few times during this season. Catelyn is equal parts wise and annoying. I love how she sees through Robb when he first tries to deny his attraction to Talisa, but I want to smack her when she let’s Jamie go (even thought it leads to the awesome road trip of Jamie and Brienne). The only thing that stands out for me about Bran is I like when he gets all creepy psychic for a bit. Sansa continues to impress me with that core of steel he has. She is still naive, but she is learning. I legitimately feel for her this time around. And then there is my murder baby Arya. OMG I love her part in this season. When Gendry finds out she is a Stark, I just about die when he gets all flustered. Even though I don’t think Arya will have a romance in the show, I ship those two more than anything else. I forgot this is the season Arya starts her list too! Of course it happens after a heartfelt conversation with Yoren, who immediately get murdered. *sigh* Arya’s interactions with Jaqen are also perfection *Italian chef kiss*

Who else is there? Ah, yes, the Night’s Watch. This season they pretty much go on walkabout beyond the wall. I’m not going to talk about Craster’s Keep because I just ate lunch and I don’t want to vomit. I 1000% forgot that this was the season we meet Ygritte. I kinda love watching her and Jon, but dear lord her voice annoys me. I am eternally amused that the “You know nothing, Jon Snow” line comes from her teasing him about not knowing how to do it *makes suggestive eyebrows so you know what “it” is referring to*

This season is the death of my inappropriate crush on Littlefinger. I mean, Aidan Gillen is forever a total fox, but the moment Littlefinger tries to basically hit on Catelyn while he is delivering her the bones of Ned just kills it. I still appreciate the scheming he gets up to in this season though. Varys, as always, is my favorite with the witty banter. What he says to Tyrion after the Battle of Blackwater is gold and solidifies him as a favorite. I shall be cross if Varys dies before the end.

I almost didn’t talk about Theon. God. Damn. Theon. I’ve never been a fan of Theon but I forgot just how much I LOATHE him during season 2. He is such a whiny little privileged boy and I cannot even with him. There is not a single moment I feel anything but hate for him in Season 2. He brings about the destruction of Winterfell and I shall never forgive him for that. During episode five one of my notes is “Literally every time I see Theon all I can think is ‘ugh, fucking Theon’.” I won’t go as far to say that he gets what he deserves, but also I’m not going to shed a tear over it.

Oh, right, Daenerys. Her story line is basically her being a privileged brat, leading her people into death, and then her having one moment of awesome with her dragon’s breathing fire. *yawn*

General Notes
  • I’m glad someone finally gave Osha a damn hair brush.
  • The scene of all the Gold Cloaks killing Robert’s bastards is probably one of the most horrific things in Game of Thrones. Which is really saying something.
  • You know, Varys would make a good king…
  • Gilly calling Sam brave is so pure and I love those two
  • OH HAI PODRICK!
  • Gendry calling Arya m’lady is my favorite thing ever.
  • Theon flirting, unknowingly, with his sister is equal parts disgusting and hilarious
  • Seeing Roose Bolton with Robb fucking still hurts. Oh, and here is the check that leads to Robb’s doom…
  • Natalie Dormer as Margaery Tyrell is sheer perfection. “I don’t want to be a queen. I want to be the Queen.”
  • Watching all the horrible scenes at Harrenhal are worth it just for Shirtless Gendry.
  • I love when Jaqen get’s annoyed with Arya asking him to murder someone immediately. Like he is so over his little murder daughter, but kills for her anyways.
  • How many ways can I say “Theon is the worst”?
  • Shae helping Sansa is the only time I like Shae
  • STOP FLIRTING ROBB!
  • Bronn singing the Rains of Castamere is kinda hot and welcome to my new inappropriate crush for the season
  • The Hound drinking wine and saying “fuck the king” is a damn mood
  • Battle Tyrion is awesome
  • The farce of Joffrey breaking up with Sansa in court is ridiculous, but worth seeing Sansa smile. Until goddamn Littlefinger ruins it all.
  • Pretty sure Jamie got a semi while watching Brienne fight
  • I am so happy Luwin got to see the Stark boys before he died *glares at Theon again for being the cause of Luwin’s demise*
  • Watching Bran and Rickon leave a burning Winterfell hurts like hell
  • THREE BLASTS FOR WHITE WALKERS!!!!

Favorite Moments:

  • Basically every scene with Bronn
  • Theon’s inspirational speech to his men at Winterfell that is cut short by his men knocking him out and leaving his bitch ass behind
  • Did I mention Shirtless Gendry yet?
  • Tywin telling Arya she is too smart for her own good. Their verbal dancing was a wonder to watch.
  • Tyrion stripping Janos Slynt of his rank and sending him to the Wall. “I’m not questioning your honor. I’m denying it exists.”
  • Joffrey getting poo thrown in his face

Most Painful or Cringeworthy moments:

  • Every single moment spent at Craster’s Keep
  • Littlefinger’s chat with Roz when she is crying over watching a goddamned baby getting murdered in front of her.
  • Shae saying “You are mine and I am yours” to Tyrion because I know what is coming and it is not good
  • Robb marrying Talisa
  • Dany’s vision of Drogo and their unborn child. I don’t ship Dany and Drogo in any way, shape or form, but this still hurt.

Favorite Line:

I’d follow Tyrion into battle…
My life motto.

Character I’d Bring Back: hard tie between Maester Luwin and Yoren

Character I’d Murder: THEON FUCKING GREYJOY

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: Bronn. Though, you have to admit, he is a right side better than Little Finger. He’s got one hell of a smirk, snark for days, and I bet all that fighting he does means he has stamina for days…

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of Right now: For the good of the Realm, Vayrs. For personal reasons, Shirtless Gendry.

Game of Thrones: Season 1 Rewatch

Winter is coming. And by winter, I mean the final season of Game of Thrones. To prepare myself for this momentous final season, I am re-watching the show from the start because apparently, I like to torture myself. So, I decided to do summaries of my thoughts, feelings, and general (and sometimes wine-drunk) musings of each season.

It should go without saying, but there are SPOILERS FOR GAME OF THRONES BELOW! I keep it mostly to the first season but there are vague spoilers for the rest of the seasons that could be gathered from stuff I say.

Season 1: Where we meet and become emotionally attached to a whole bunch of people who will eventually die

Wow. I did not think this would be so hard to watch. It physically hurts seeing all the Starks happy and healthy together. Well, all happy except Catelyn, who I want to smack every time she is rude to Jon. If there is one thing Season 1 of GOT has taught me its that SECRETS ARE BAD AND LEAD TO EVERYONE DYING. Also, if you tell someone you’ll talk to them about something important later, you are basically going to die or not be seen for five seasons. My favorite Stark is still Arya, though I appreciate Sansa so much more this time through. And I still die on the inside when Jon gives Arya her sword.

The Lannisters are still my most hated house, but I have grudging respect for the main Lannisters. I can’t help it. Tyrion will always be the only Lannister I actually LIKE, but Jamie, Cersei, and Tywin are all so damn good at what they do. Tyrion though…what I wouldn’t give to party with that guy. Joffery is still physically and emotionally painful to watch but at least this time through I know what his fate holds for him, so I have something to look forward to. It’s also very interesting to see early Lancel and the abuse he goes through at the hands of the king and his family. That poor boy never had a chance.

And then there is Peytr “Littlefinger” Baelish and Varys. These two, I swear. I started making episode notes stating with the 4th episode and every time these two started trading words I wrote “I could watch these two ALL DAY.” They are so similar in their abilities to scheme and maneuver, but they do so for completely different reasons. Peytr does all he does for himself, while Varys, I believe, truly wants peace in the realm. Whenever either of these two are on the screen, and particularly when they are together, I am always rapt in attention.

I almost didn’t add a little paragraph about the Night’s Watch. I guess I forgot about them like much of Westeros does. Which is a BIG PROBLEM. Wildings and wights and White Walkers, OH MY! Everyone always focuses on the political scheming and shenanigans throughout Westeros, but all the while the true threat is slowly growing in the North. This show does a really good job at the slow build terror. Some of it isn’t exactly subtle, but it feels that way because the house drama overshadows everything. Also, side note from the wall: Jon is such a whiny baby boy. His luscious locks and broody demeanor must have erased the whining from my memory.

Finally, there is Danerys. Look, I’m going to say right now that she is not my favorite character. *waits for the collective gasps of shock and disbelief to die down* Y’all, she is boring AF for the most part in the books and that sort of tainted her character for me. She has her moments, but there is just something about her that does not click for me. BUT, I was so invested in her beginnings during this rewatch. Thinking of all she goes through and where she is now in the newer seasons…it sorta blows my mind. The ending of Season 1, with Dany and her baby dragons, still stands as one of the better final scenes of a season, not only in Game of Thrones, but television in general. Heck, just writing about it gave me a little wave of goosebumps.

General Notes from Episode 4-10
(because I wasn’t taking notes for eps 1-3)
  • Ser Barrister is a battle cinnamon roll.
  • I forgot that Bronn comes into the story so early. I love his bromance with Tyrion.
  • I’m sorry, but the Vale is the best castle in all of Westeros. Introvert’s dream.
  • I need a book of life lessons from Syrio Forrel
  • Tyrion confessing to Lyssa is peak Tyrion.
  • I miss Dany’s strange moments where she stares into the distance and says shit like “He is no dragon. A dragon does not burn.” I want creepy Dany back.
  • Rob telling Bran he’ll write him letters makes me sad.
  • Seriously, could no one at Winterfell give Osha a damn brush for her hair?
  • Dany is just as headstrong and annoying as Jon is…
  • So…Bronn says he’s been north of the Wall for work. Do we ever get more info about this? I don’t remember but I am suddenly very interested in this…
  • Rickon makes me sad. That boy never had a chance.
  • Anyone else see the Flayed Man banner at Rob’s camp and get HELLA MAD?
  • “I won’t do any treason!” Oh poor, sweet Sansa. But we get glimmers of the steel in her soul: “Or maybe he’ll give me yours.” (she still annoys the fuck out of me in Season 1 & 2 though)
  • “KING IN THE NORTH!” *sigh*
  • One of the few moments I like Catelyn is when she punches Jamie.
  • Lord Mormont drinks beer in the morning. I love this guy.
  • BABY DRAGONS!

Favorite Moments:

  • Tyrion slapping Joffrey. I rewatched that scene at least 3 times before I could let the episode continue.
  • Jon giving Arya her sword. (BRB crying forever)
  • Every scene with Gendry
  • King Robert and Cersei laughing with each other when he says it’s their marriage that holds the realm together

Most Painful or Cringeworthy Moments:

  • Rob and Jon hugging goodbye
  • That sexposition scene with Littlefinger (you know the scene I’m talking about)
  • Basically any scene with Lysa Arryn
  • Arya throwing a rock at Nymeria to make her leave (oh heck, I’m tearing up just thinking about it)
  • When Littlefinger convinces Ned to come with him to talk to a whore, when instead he should have been leaving King’s landing with his daughters. *sigh* if only…
  • “I did warn you not to trust me.”

Favorite line:

“Everything’s better with some wine in the belly.” Tyrion the Truth Dropper

Character I’d Bring back: LADY!

Characters I’d murder: Joffrey (always), Alliser Thorne, The Mountain

Who I have an inappropriate crush on: Peytr Baelish (can I point out: BAE-lish). I KNOW, okay? I know this is such a bad crush, but I cannot help it. Aidan Gillen is a fox and he plays Littlefinger so damn well. I want to be his partner in schemes ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Who I want on the Iron Throne as of right now: hard tie between Tyrion and Littlefinger (what? Sometimes I just want to watch the world burn)